


Conflict and Conscience

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1654400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it seemed as if life at the Hub was one conflict after another—and not with aliens, but with each other. Jack Harkness felt as if he could barely hold his team together…until one night he found the strength to be the leader Torchwood needed in the place he least expected it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conflict and Conscience

Conflict and Conscience

Jack had always known the 21st century was when everything would change. It started on New Year's Eve at the millennium, when Alex shot everyone and left Jack in charge. He tried to build a new team, though he was never quite sure he knew what he was doing. He felt alone, more than ever.

Things were good for a while, with Tosh and Owen and Suzie. They managed to muddle their way through whatever the Rift threw at them, they survived, and they got along, for the most part.

At least until Ianto Jones manipulated his way into a job and Gwen Cooper landed one by accident.

That was when things really began to change.

I.  
"What the hell, Jack? What do we need a secretary for?" Owen propped his feet on the table, earning him a reproachful look from Tosh that he completely ignored as he finished a particularly greasy piece of pizza and wiped his hands on his trousers. "We can take care of ourselves."

"You don't even know how to use a napkin," Tosh murmured. "How is that taking care of yourself?" Owen rolled his eyes at her.

"Do we have any?" he asked, making a valid point. They had a kitchen, but god knew if there was anything useful in there.

"We would if we had a general support man," said Jack. "He'll be in charge of all the little things, freeing us up for the bigger ones."

"What little things?" asked Suzie.

Jack replied with a shrug; he hadn't thought about it much, to be honest. It had just seemed like the right thing to do, particularly with the persistent recruit lying on top of him at the time.

"Supplies, cleaning, filing, that sort of thing. He was in research at Torchwood One, so I'm also putting him in charge of the archives. Maybe someone can actually straighten out the mess down there."

Suzie frowned, and Tosh gave him a funny look.

"What?" asked Jack, confused by their reaction.

"He was at Torchwood in London?" asked Owen skeptically. "He survived Canary Wharf?"

Jack nodded. "One of twenty-seven. Gotta give him some credit."

"Could have been dumb luck if he was just a researcher," said Owen dismissively. "Why does he want to come back to Torchwood anyway? I thought most of the survivors ran screaming the other way."

"Don't know," said Jack, though the thought had occurred to him as well before he had dismissed it as unnecessary. "Might be the rare type who actually liked his job there."

Owen snorted. "Right. With Yvonne Hartmann. You're letting one of hers into the Hub then? I'm surprised."

"And she's dead," Jack replied. "Just because she ran the place into the ground doesn't mean everyone who worked there agreed with her."

"Is he all right?" asked Tosh, interrupting what was likely to be another heated discussion on the ugly aftermath of Canary Wharf. She had gone to London after the battle, so she knew what it had been like; leave it to Tosh to always ask about a person's well being. Jack shrugged again, this time with a smile for her.

"He survived. He probably went through hell, and I have no idea if he's had any support for it, so I want you to give him a full physical and psychological exam before he starts, Owen. If he's not up to it, he's out of the job."

"Oh, I'm sure he's messed up," said Owen. "Which is another reason I still don't see why—" He started to protest again, but Jack cut him off.

"Because I said so, that's why." He knew he said that a lot, but it was true, especially now with London down. Torchwood Three had existed on its own since he had taken over, but with London gone and Two a minor office in Scotland, Cardiff was the last best defense against everything to come. In some ways, it made him feel even more alone.

As always, Owen rolled his eyes.

"Is he cute?" asked Suzie, leaning back casually but with a knowing look on her face

For a moment Jack thought about not responding to the implication, but then he grinned. "'Course he is. Looks good in a suit, too. He'll class up the place, maybe keep us in line a bit."

Owen snorted as he stood. There was a large grease stain on his jeans, and he knocked over an empty pizza box as he walked by…and left it there, ignoring the mess. Jack shook his head. Yes, Ianto Jones might be just what they needed. Sometimes change was good, after all.

  
II.  
"Bloody hell, he's gone and done it again!" Owen exclaimed. "Up and hired someone without even asking us."

"Does he need to ask?" replied Ianto, sitting calmly behind his computer. "He is in charge, after all."

"We're a team, Jones," said Owen. "We should have a say in who joins the team."

"You didn't have a say when I joined." It was more of a statement than a question.

Tosh rose quickly to his defense. "We didn't, but that's all right. It's not up to us." She tossed Owen a look, but Ianto missed it; he hadn't looked away from his computer, apparently so engrossed in something that he was now frowning at the screen.

"Yeah, we needed a go-to coffee boy. We don't need a dumb cop blundering around with her eyes wide open in shock every time she sees an alien. What do we even know about her, other than she got herself in with a pizza box?"

Ianto stood and picked up a file from nearby. He dropped it in Owen's lap with a sardonic smile. "I vetted her this morning. She's completely ordinary, nothing even remotely interesting, and very little security risk."

"Then what does Jack see in her?" asked Tosh hesitantly. "I mean, we just lost Suzie, do we need to replace her so soon?'

"No, we do not," said Owen, tossing the folder aside without bothering to look at it.

"Yes, we do," said Jack, appearing unexpectedly behind them. "And we need this dumb cop because of those very things—she's ordinary, uninteresting. Human."

Tosh frowned, Ianto rolled his eyes (much better than Owen ever had), and Owen snorted. "Last physical I gave showed we were all human, Jack. Why her?"

"Because she's different. We've seen things, done things, lived things. She's a fresh perspective, a new eye."

"An innocent," murmured Ianto, and Jack nodded.

"Not for long, if she takes this job," Owen said, half under his breath.

"Perhaps," said Jack with a rueful smile. "But right now she remembers who we're protecting, not just what we're fighting. She can remind us of that, I think."

"Well, I'm coming up with some new hazing," said Owen. "I'm also going home and getting dead drunk, so I might be in late tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it," said Jack, nodding as his hands found his pockets. "Take your time. Suzie's dead, we need to process it. We don't need an autopsy."

"Jack, we need to know why—"

"Not tonight. Go home." Jack turned to the others. "You too. I'll finish up here."

Tosh nodded silently and gathered her things while Ianto returned to his computer. Jack watched Owen leave, offering a silent nod, and then Tosh, pulling the young woman in for a hug to press a kiss to her temple before she left. Finally, he turned back to Ianto and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I said go home, Ianto."

"In a moment, sir."

"Ianto—"

"Jack, can you come look at this?" Ianto motioned at his screen, and Jack came around behind him, frowning. Ianto still didn't use his first name very often, which meant it was probably serious.

"What is it?"

Ianto pulled up something on his computer and was silent for a moment. "What would you like me to do?"

It was the CCTV footage of Jack and Suzie on the Plass.

Jack stared at it, watching himself fall to the pavement with a bullet in his brain, only to rise again moments later. He let his head sink to his chest as Ianto turned toward him, face a calm mask.

"Delete it," Jack whispered hoarsely. "All of it."

Ianto hit a button and began to clear the footage. Jack turned to go, his heart racing before he turned back. "Ianto?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Just between us, all right?"

"I don't even know what you're referring to, sir," Ianto replied dryly, and Jack nodded with a slightly sick feeling.

"Thank you." He paused. "Do you think she'll be all right?"

"She checked out," said Ianto. He tapped a few more keys and turned toward Jack. "Whether she'll be the conscience you want remains to be seen."

Jack nodded once more as he went into his office. He shut the door and poured himself a double, thinking about Gwen Cooper and Ianto Jones, and how much everything had changed in one night.

  
III.  
"Fuck you, Owen!" shouted Gwen, whirling on the medic, who was leaning against the railing above the medical bay with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Anytime, sweetheart," he threw back. "Though I'm not sure I'm your type."

"Owen—" started Tosh, but the doctor stopped her.

"What? It's true. She not only let loose a sex alien, but she snogged it senseless—"

"So did you, only she didn't knick my clothes!" Gwen exclaimed, and Tosh nodded in agreement.

"—then she got a man killed thanks to an alien device that probably should have stopped him from dying, only she let him walk straight onto the knife she was holding."

Gwen hung her head and looked ready to either cry or scream. She appeared genuinely surprised when Tosh once again stepped up to her defense. "He killed himself, Owen. You know that."

"Doesn't erase the fact that she's fucked up twice in two weeks. Good start, PC Cooper."

This time Gwen looked up and narrowed her eyes as if getting ready to fight back. Before she could say anything, Jack wandered down from the walkway, hands in his pockets, calm as ever.

"I seem to remember a number of fuck-ups from a certain doctor on his first few cases. There was your first Weevil, the giant spider, and that time Tosh had to go to London for you to check out the alien pig…" He trailed off, eyebrows raised.

Owen rolled his eyes. "Sod off, Harkness."

"Ah, good comeback." He winked at Gwen. "That means I'm right."

"Jack, I'm sorry," Gwen said. "I should have known better." He waved away her apology.

"It's done. Everyone makes mistakes during their first few weeks. Apparently it's Owen's job to be an arse and point them out."

"And apparently it's your job to forgive and forget them," Owen tossed back.

Jack turned to him very calmly. "Yes, it is. Remember that next time it's you."

With that, he turned and walked into his office, leaving everyone quiet behind him. He did not see Ianto Jones standing on the stairs leading up from the basement, eyes closed as he took a deep breath before facing the rest of the team and another day of secrets and lies.

  
IV.  
They just stood there, for hours, it seemed, unable to tear their eyes away from the twisted wreckage before them. Three lives, destroyed just like that. Ianto sat on the floor, blood congealing around him, his knees pulled up to his chest as he stared listlessly at the two mangled bodies, final testament to the horrific scene they had just witnessed.

Jack glanced at Tosh, who turned her head away with tears in her eyes. Gwen was staring with her typical wide-eyed shock, while Owen looked torn between pity and fury.

Which was about how Jack felt at that moment as well.

"Tosh," he finally said, keeping his voice quiet but firm. "Get back upstairs and make sure we're secure again. Owen, get him out of here, he's in shock. Gwen, we're dismantling this thing right now." Ianto looked up, eyes red but furious. He stood and shook his head.

"No," he said, voice scraped raw with emotion. "I'll do it."

"You're injured and you need to see Owen," said Jack matter-of-factly. "Get out of here."

"I brought it in, I'll take it down."

"Ianto—"

"I'm doing it." Ianto faced him head on, and for a moment Jack thought he might get hit again. But then Ianto's eyes closed. "Just take the bodies for me. Please."

It was the 'please' that got him.

Jack nodded and held up a hand before Owen could even protest. Tosh left to return upstairs, while the rest of them took the bodies and began to drag them toward the morgue. Jack would decide what to do with them later; right now they just needed to get them out of there, get rid of the blood and gore and horrifying machines that had done this to them. Ianto moved woodenly toward the conversion unit and glanced around until he found a large metal rod. He waited until they had left and then shut the door, and they heard the sound of metal on metal coupled with primal screams of anguish all the way down the corridor.

After cleaning up, they met Tosh in the center of the Hub. She had brought all the systems back on line, and Jack could sense his team breathe a sigh of relief. They had been through enough; it was time to let them go home. They needed time away from the nightmare, time to cope. Again.

"All right, we're done here for the night. Go home and rest. We'll finish in the morning."

"What about Ianto?" asked Tosh softly.

"What about him?" Jack asked, wondering what they were thinking. He still wasn't sure what to do; maybe for once their input would do some good.

"Shoot him," said Owen, and the girls looked at him in shock. "What? He brought a fucking Cyberman into the Hub. It almost killed us. That's treason and the sentence is death."

"Or Retcon," said Tosh.

"He'd be better off if we shot him," Owen snapped. "After what happened down there, who would want to live? Who would want to remember?"

Jack was silent as he tapped his thumb on his lips. "It's not up to you," he finally said. "Go home and come back tomorrow. I need to think about this."

"There's nothing to think about," said a voice behind them. Ianto stood there, a terrible sight to see: slumped over, disheveled, covered in blood and dirt and bruises, his eyes filled with unfathomable pain. He nodded as he slowly walked toward them. "You said you'd execute me if I didn't kill her. You might as well do it now."

Owen crossed his arms over his chest and looked down. Gwen was silent, but Tosh shook her head first. "Jack, you can't—"

"I betrayed Torchwood, the crown, you," said Ianto, his face lined with sorrow as he gazed at Tosh. "Retcon won't work, you know it won't." He held out his gun to Jack, the grip still covered in blood. "You're in charge. Do it."

"Jack," started Gwen, while Jack just stared in horror at Ianto. This was a member of his team, a man who had sought out the job at Torchwood Three, a man Jack had hired for his persistence and yes, his looks, but a man who had quickly asserted himself as an integral—if invisible—part of the team. He had threatened to shoot him just hours ago, but could he really execute a member of his team? In cold blood?

"He's right," said Owen.

"No!" said Gwen, touching Jack's arm as if to break him out of a trance. "He's one of us, isn't he? No matter what he did, he deserves to be treated like one of us."

"And that means Retcon or execution, sweetheart," said Owen, clucking his tongue. "So be sure never to fuck up this big."

"Goddammit, Owen, shut up!" Gwen exclaimed, and Jack glanced back at them in surprise. "Have some bloody compassion for once."

"Why, because your bleeding heart's worked out so well for you? Yes, let's save the man who almost got us all killed by his psychotic robot girlfriend. Brilliant idea."

Ianto lurched forward and punched him, and after falling back a step, Owen sent his fist flying right back. The two men began to raise their arms once more until Jack stepped in between them, hoping he wouldn't get hit again; Ianto had a surprisingly strong arm.

"Stop it," he said, his voice weary. "We're not doing this, not here, not now. Everyone go home, and that includes you, Ianto. I'll decide the consequences in the morning."

"No," said Ianto, shaking his head. "I want to know now."

"I don't know what to do with you!" Jack snarled, whirling on him and ready to say more, to vent all his anger and pain. Either Ianto was too exhausted to step back, or he simply didn't care anymore, because once again he didn't flinch. His dead response deflated Jack's fury almost immediately. "And you don't know what you want either. Just go home. All of you."

Ianto turned to leave, pocketing his weapon, but Jack stopped him. "Leave the gun."

"Don't trust me?" asked Ianto, the bitter sarcasm heavy in his voice.

"Not anymore," said Jack, taking the bloody weapon from him.

"There's your answer, then," said Ianto. He turned and left without looking back. Tosh touched Jack's arm and gave him a watery smile before following; Owen glared at him before stalking off. Gwen, as usual, stayed.

"Go home, Gwen," Jack said tiredly. "Go home to your boyfriend and be glad you still have him. Be glad that you didn't lose him to Canary Wharf like so many others did."

Gwen nodded silently and left Jack by himself. For a long time he simply stood there and gazed around the Hub at the destruction. Then he sank onto the sofa, the bloody gun still in his hands, as he contemplated how he had failed his team once more, and Ianto Jones most of all.

  
V.  
"I can't believe he let her go," whispered Gwen. Next to her, Tosh nodded wordlessly. Owen was pacing back and forth in front of the sofa, muttering to himself.

"She was a little girl," Gwen continued, her voice broken and angry at the same time. "And he sent her off to be with monsters. We could have saved her, could have stopped them."

"She wanted to go," Tosh said softly, though she sounded unconvinced. Owen whirled to face them.

"She was ten years old. Of course she wanted to fly away with the fairies. Did you see what they did to her stepfather though?" Owen threw his hands up in disgust as he glanced at the office, where Jack had locked himself away from the rest of them. "He fucked up, and he knows it."

"He makes the difficult decisions, the ones the rest of us can't make," Ianto said matter-of-factly, appearing out of nowhere with four cups of coffee.

"What, like sacrificing little girls?" Owen snapped. "Like letting you back in the Hub?" Ianto stopped halfway to handing him the coffee mug, then calmly turned and dumped it in a nearby rubbish bin.

"Yes, like letting me back," he replied quietly. He handed Owen the empty mug and retreated to his station.

"You're a right bastard sometimes, you know that, right?" muttered Owen, and Ianto glanced up and raised an eyebrow.

"And you're a bloody prat most of the time, so what's the problem?"

"I wanted that coffee. I needed that coffee."

"Then get it yourself. I've left some in the pot."

Owen grumbled as he walked away. "That's your job, tea boy."

"No, I make the coffee," Ianto replied, not even looking at Owen. "I am not required to deliver it." He paused and cocked his head. "Besides, you just implied I shouldn't even be here."

"So why are you here then?" asked Owen. Gwen and Tosh finally looked up from where they were apparently still thinking about Jasmine on the sofa.

"Jack's in charge, ask him," replied Ianto.

"I did, and he wouldn't tell me bollocks. Why did you come back?" Owen had actually poured himself a cup of coffee and had returned to the sofa, where he started pacing out his agitation once more. It was as if picking on Ianto was a distraction from the real issue at hand—and it wasn't Jasmine, either, though no one would dare say it out loud.

Ianto leaned back in his chair, hands wrapped around his mug as he stared into it. "I didn't want to come back," he said so softly that they could barely hear him. "Do you think I wanted to return to the place where she died—to the people who shot her?" Here he raised his eyes, piercing Owen with a surprisingly spiteful look. "But ending it wouldn't change that, and running away wouldn't make me forget."

"How enlightened of you," Owen muttered, and Ianto's face grew dark. He slammed down his mug and came around his station toward the others.

"I tried my damndest to save her. Just like you tried to save Katie." Owen sucked in a breath as Ianto turned to Tosh. "Just like you tried to save your mother. Why should I be judged for doing what any of you would have done?"

"Because she was a Cyberman, that's why!" Owen exclaimed. "They destroyed Canary Wharf—"

"I know!" Ianto growled, stepping closer and pointing an accusing finger that forced Owen backward. "I was there, Owen. I saw it, I heard it, I breathed it, I felt it. And I survived it." He took a deep breath as if to calm himself. "Lisa didn't. I tried to save her, but I have to live with the fact that I couldn't. Just like you have to live with the fact that you couldn't save Katie. Or Jasmine." He turned toward the women on the sofa. "At least Jasmine chose to leave. Most people don't have a choice."

"Jack had no right to let her go—" started Gwen, but Ianto cut her off.

"No, it was Jasmine's _choice_. It was Jack's  _decision_  to stop you." Ianto gave them all a very pointed, but heartrending, look. "Just like it was my choice to try and save Lisa, but Jack's decision to stop me."

"Because he makes the difficult decisions the rest of us can't make," muttered Owen bitterly, throwing Ianto's words back at him.

Ianto walked back to his station. "Doesn't mean we have to like them."

"Forgive and forget, as Jack says," Tosh offered

"Never forget. But forgive?" Ianto glanced at them all, his eyes sad. "Maybe someday."

  
VI.  
"I want you all here tonight," said Jack, facing them as they sat in the medical bay while Owen bustled about, fixing their broken bodies. What Jack could do for their broken spirits, he wasn't sure anymore.

"No way," said Ianto, the first to stand from where Owen had been treating his head wound. He was walking gingerly, holding a hand to his side and glaring at Jack as if Jack had done something wrong, and not the insane cannibals of the Welsh countryside.

"Me neither," said Gwen, shaking her head.

"I want to go home," said Tosh simply.

"You're all hurt," Jack said, frowning. "I want you where I can see you—"

"Like you care," Ianto murmured. He had started to walk away, but turned around now, the shallow cut on his neck red and exposed, the bruises on his face an ugly purple, the look in his eyes dark. Everyone glanced at him: some in surprise, some in understanding.

"Here it comes," muttered Owen.

"Ianto—" started Jack, but the other man cut him off with a violent slash of his hand through the air.

"Don't." He glanced around at them all. "Look at us. Why would we want to stay here? This is your fault, Jack. Your fault. Why would we stay here with you?"

There was a heavy intake of breath from someone—Tosh or Gwen, one of the woman for sure. Owen was remarkably silent for once.

"I'll leave if you want me to," said Jack, not rising to the bait. "But you need to be under observation, you were pretty badly hurt."

"No thanks to you!" Ianto exclaimed. "Dragging us out to the middle of nowhere, sending us off on a wild goose chase for Rift activity when it had nothing to do with the aliens and everything to do with all that's wrong with the human race itself."

"I didn't know," said Jack, gritting his teeth. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"You never do," said Ianto, his voice dripping with such bitterness Jack's eyes widened. "You never think about the consequences. You sent us off, left us to be butchered—"

"I saved you!" Jack growled, finally growing angry. They faced off while the others watched in shock.

"Right, you and your tractor and your big damn guns." Ianto nodded bitterly. He stepped into Jack's personal space, which was rare for the reserved Welshman. "I was about to be bled. Like a piece of meat. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

"But you weren't," Jack said, his voice taking on a pleading tone because no, he couldn't imagine what it was like. "It's over."

"Until next time," said Ianto. "Until you fuck us up next time."

Owen laid a hand on Ianto's arm, but it was shaken off. "You don't care. All you care about is the case." His eyes flickered toward Gwen. "And maybe something else."

Jack narrowed his eyes, starting to get an idea of what else was bothering Ianto. "That's not true," he said. "I do care."

"Did you check on Tosh after your grand entrance shot up the place?" asked Ianto, his voice low. "Did you check on Owen? Did you check on me? No." He gave a twisted smile. "You took Gwen to question them, because she just  _had_  to know why, even when you had the rest of us to think about, even when there weren't any answers and you damn well knew it."

"Ianto—" started Gwen, but he turned on her with a sad smile.

"It's not your fault. You're supposed to be the conscience of Torchwood. So of course he listens to you, the rest of us be damned." He faced Jack once more. "But the rest of us knew, and the rest of us needed you. And now you want us to stay, because you're worried and don't want to feel guilty."

"I was worried then," said Jack, although he could now see where he had screwed up. Ianto might be misdirecting some of his anger, but he had every right to do so. And Jack did feel guilty: for taking them up there, for letting it happen, for not saving them sooner, and for everything else he'd done that just seemed to go wrong no matter how hard he tried.

"Funny way of showing it,  _sir_ ," said Ianto. "And too late. I'm going home."

"Me too," murmured Tosh. "I just want to forget it ever happened." Gwen reached for her hand but Tosh shook her head; Gwen looked hurt and glanced away.

"You can't forget," said Jack. "You just move on."

Ianto huffed uncharacteristically. "We just move on." He limped over to Tosh and gently touched her wrists where the ropes had burned them raw. "And how do we do that, Jack? In case you hadn't noticed, someone almost tried to eat us." He paused and ground it in. " _Eat us_. How the hell do we move on from that, knowing there are people out there who…who are capable of that?"

Gwen was still not watching; Tosh was had taken Ianto's hand and was holding on for dear life, it seemed.

Jack opened his mouth a few times but didn't know what to say. It seemed everything he'd done for the last several months had resulted in nothing but conflict, nothing but more anger and confrontation. He didn't know what the hell he was doing; now his team knew it too, thanks to Ianto.

"I don't know," he finally whispered, looking at each of his broken team in turn. "You just do. There's no choice."

Ianto turned so fast Jack was caught unaware: he stepped forward and shoved Jack hard in the chest, which was better than a right hook to the jaw but hurt none the less for the anger behind it. "Not good enough, Jack. I'm leaving. And this time I don't know if I'm coming back. I can live with my own mistakes, but I don't know if I want to live with yours—or with this."

He turned to limp up the stairs. Jack reached out toward him, but Owen— _Owen?—_ stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Let him go."

"Is he all right?" Jack asked. "Can he make it home on his own?"

"He'll be okay," said Owen softly. He waited until they heard the alarms blare and the cog door slide shut. "He was knocked around pretty bad, but I think it's mostly shock talking. Can't say I blame him, though. That was one of the worst things I've ever seen out there." The doctor actually shuddered.

Jack took a deep breath. "I should go after him."

"Don't," said Tosh, meeting his eye with a defiant look.

"I'll do it," Owen said reluctantly. "Right now he's pissed as hell at you. Don't make it worse."

"Why me?" asked Jack, though by now he could probably guess the answer. Tosh looked away; Gwen was still locked in her own private hell, no doubt turning over what the leader had whispered in her ear and what Ianto had just made worse.

"You took us out there," Owen said simply. "You brought  _him_  out there. First time in the field, and he's baptized by cannibals. Hell of way to start."

"I didn't know—" started Jack, feeling defensive again.

"He saved my life," Tosh said suddenly, glancing up. "That's how I got away. He headbutted leader so I could run. And I left him there, with them, so they could tenderize him…" She trailed off as the implication seemed to hit her. Owen hurried to her side and wrapped an arm around her, but she didn't cry.

"Not bad for the tea boy, then," Owen murmured. "Come on, I'll take you home before I check in on him." He glanced at Gwen. "You all right? I can take you home as well."

Gwen finally looked up and met Owen's eyes, and Jack knew right then that something had changed between them out there in the Beacons. "Thanks Owen, but Rhys is picking me up on the Plass." Owen's faced twitched just slightly, and Gwen looked away, color in her cheeks. Jack just watched as his team ignored him, almost as angry as Ianto.

"I'll wait with you," he said to Gwen, and she nodded, though whether in relief or reluctance, he couldn't tell.

Owen took Tosh home, and Jack led Gwen up to the Plass through the invisible lift. He stayed there so that Rhys would not see him, knowing he would only get another earful—and possibly a cuff on the head—for getting Gwen shot. He watched them drive away, then glanced down at his mobile, tempted to call Ianto. There had been something so angry in the man's demeanor that Jack needed to know he was all right, that he was coming back. Instead, he sent a quick text to Owen, who took his time responding.

Ianto was fine, but the doctor said in no uncertain terms to stay away and let them all rest the next day.

Jack nodded to himself, his heart heavy with failure. He found a rooftop and watched the stars and wondered how the hell he had got it all wrong again. Why was he the bad guy? Why couldn't it have been aliens? He could handle aliens.

Humans, on the other hand—especially his team of all too  _human_ humans—were another story.

  
VII.  
Once again it was Ianto who confronted him, though it was quite different this time.

"You fucked up again," he said as Jack watched Tosh gather her things and leave the Hub. Jack didn't even turn his head; he knew it, but what else was there to do? Tosh had allowed a dangerous alien to infiltrate the Hub. It wasn't unlike what Ianto had done, so it was little surprise that Ianto could sympathize and would be the one to say something. Never mind that Owen and Gwen were obviously caught up in their own sordid issues.

"You know, I'm not sure why you feel the need to keep telling me that," said Jack, not bothering to turn and look at the man he knew was behind him. Ianto came and leaned on the railing next to him, also gazing down into the Hub.

"Because it's the truth," Ianto said. "You need to hear it."

"I don't need you to—"

"And she won't tell you," Ianto finished, motioning with his eyes not toward Tosh, but toward Gwen. Jack finally turned on him.

"What the hell does that mean?" he demanded.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "It means she's not who you thought she was."

Jack stared down at Gwen and Owen, narrowing his eyes. Even if Tosh hadn't told him, he had seen it almost from the start. Gwen had been terrible at hiding anything from her first day; she'd never stood a chance at concealing an affair with a co-worker.

"Just because she's shagging Owen, doesn't mean what you think it does," said Jack, and to his surprise, Ianto nodded.

"You misunderstand. She's not  _what_ you thought she was, what you hired her to be."

"And what did I hire her to be?" asked Jack, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for the answer.

"Your conscience," said Ianto bluntly. "And she's not."

Jack stared at him before watching Owen and Gwen head toward the door. They waved up at him before leaving, and he felt the twist in his gut that told him what Ianto said was true. And yet, what to do about it?

"Then I guess I'll just have to develop one on my own," Jack snapped.

"Good luck with that," Ianto murmured.

"I don't need your help," Jack said, to which Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"I wasn't offering it."

"Good."

There was an uncomfortable silence as Jack thought that maybe, sometimes, he did need help, but he would never, ever admit it. He was supposed to be Torchwood's leader, to know what he was doing. He was supposed to protect his team, not hurt them.

And yet…he had done it again. He had hurt them. He had hurt  _Tosh—_ Tosh who had been with him from the start, who he had saved from UNIT. Brilliant, sweet, but oh-so-lonely Tosh. Yes, he had needed to stop Mary, but he shouldn't have been so cruel about it. He could have told her that Mary had gone back to her own planet rather than into the center of the sun. What had be been thinking?

"Shit," he murmured, letting his head fall.

"Indeed," said Ianto, nodding as if he had read Jack's mind. Maybe he had.

"I should talk to her," said Jack.

"Yes," said Ianto. "And Gwen and Owen, too. About being a bit more discreet, not to mention compassionate." He shook his head in a rare sign of judgment. "As soon as she came out, all they could think of was what she heard. About them. Not about her."

Jack was silent, but this time he was not uncomfortable. This time he was thinking, and he was not thinking about Tosh, or Gwen, or Owen.

"Can I ask you something?" he finally put to Ianto. The Welshman gave him a short nod.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked. Ianto turned to him with a confused look of surprise on his face.

"Doing what, sir?"

Jack couldn't help but grin. "Being nice. Talking civilly. Offering advice." He paused when Ianto did not reply. "I seem to recall you pushing me around and threatening to leave last time I screwed up."

Ianto offered a shrug in reply. "Probably just the concussion, sir," he murmured.

"You weren't concussed," said Jack. "You were pissed off." Ianto did not say anything, so once more Jack continued. "And now you're not. Rather strange turn about."

Ianto sighed and faced him. "Look, sir…Jack. Just because I was angry doesn't mean I don't get it. I do."

"Get what?" asked Jack, halfway expecting the man to say ' _You.'_  Which was ridiculous, and yet…

"What you have to do. Why you have to do it." Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise at Ianto's answer. "She can't see it. She won't see it. She hasn't lost enough to understand."

Which was when Jack got it.

"I'm sorry about Lisa," he said softly. Ianto stiffened but nodded.

"I know."

"And Jasmine. And the Beacons. And Mary." Jack laughed cynically as he ran his hands over his face. "All of it. Gods, what a mess it's been around here."

Ianto matched his bitter laugh. "It's Torchwood," he replied, as if that explained it all.

"I wanted it to be better," Jack murmured. "And maybe it was, for a while. Now it just feels like it's falling apart." He let his head sink to his chest, and felt Ianto's gaze on the back of his neck.

"It won't fall apart," Ianto finally said. "You won't let it."

Jack gave him a skeptical roll of his eyes.

"Okay…how about I won't let you let it fall apart?" amended Ianto, looking away. Jack studied him closely, wondering if he had heard correctly.

"Is  _that_  an offer?" asked Jack. "Because it sounds like one."

"An understanding, perhaps." He met Jack's eyes guardedly. "General support is my job, after all."

"Right." Jack nodded slowly, knowing they were talking about more than general support. "I suppose I could use your understanding a bit more."

Ianto leaned closer. "Go to Tosh. She's sitting on the Plass." He pointed to the CCTV feed on one of the computers below. "Talk to her."

"Yes, sir," Jack said, trying not to smile too much, even though he somehow felt better. Ianto laughed through his nose. Jack turned to head toward to his office, but stopped halfway down the steps.

"Ianto?" he asked.

"Yes, sir?" Ianto parroted back.

"We should talk sometime, too," Jack said quietly. Ianto raised that eyebrow again.

"We just did."

"Not about Tosh," Jack replied. "About everything else." He watched Ianto swallow nervously and look away before replying.

"Right." He took a deep breath. "Okay. But not tonight. Talk to Tosh first."

Jack nodded wordlessly and bounded into his office for his coat. When he came out, Ianto was still there, hands folded in front of him as he watched the CCTV below.

"Are you staying late or going home?" Jack called up.

"I'll be heading home," said Ianto quietly. "Just because I understand doesn't make things any easier."

"So there might be more pushing and shouting?" Jack asked, trying to sound light and not uncomfortable; Ianto had just admitted something extremely personal that Jack wasn't sure how to acknowledge.

"Knowing you, most likely a bit of both," said Ianto, and he smiled, perhaps with appreciation at what was left unsaid.

"Better get some rest, then," said Jack with a wink. "Good night, Ianto."

"Good night, sir."

Heading up the lift into the dark night, Jack felt like a burden had been unexpectedly lifted from his shoulders. It was a strange feeling, and he was reluctant to admit its source, even though he knew exactly what it was.

There would still be confrontations, still be mistakes. And yet somehow, he felt like something had changed. Maybe there wouldn't be as much conflict. Maybe he wouldn't hurt his team, or get them killed. Maybe he could actually do this job.

Because maybe he wasn't alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by and written for darcy58 at fanfiction.net, who had all these ideas about various confrontations in the Hub, things unresolved in the series that we the viewers were just left to wonder about as the next episode rolled around. It may not have turned out as planned, but I do hope you've enjoyed this look at some possible behind-the-scenes confrontations…and the resolution that sort of started it all. Thank you for your all your help, darcy58, and thank you for reading!


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